A Life of Learning

The year is almost over and I am once again reflecting on what it has meant to share my days with horses. This year I have spent more time teaching young people to ride and had a very busy year of Centered Riding. I was able to attend a few clinics and riding lessons for myself and with experience have become a better instructor overall. This past fall, I took that experience and carried it to the classroom of a local community college where I was hired to teach anatomy and physiology to adult students. I was surprised at how quickly I adapted to the environment and was able to discipline myself to prepare for classes, which unfortunately, meant spending several hours at a time sitting in front of a computer. Standing up and speaking in front of a class, sometimes for up to 2 hours at a stretch was even more challenging. It turns out that my experience speaking to students on or off a horse in a large arena (usually with a microphone) gave me the confidence to speak "without notes" and present a large amount of material with the authority of an expert. I credit my ability to think on my feet to all the years of working with horses and students, not knowing exactly where the lesson on the ground or in the saddle was going to go, but remembering to keep my attention on what was right in front of me. That sense of presence kept me focused and allowed me to tap into the stored information in my brain, placed there after years of seeing or doing the same thing, over and over. It is that unconscious competence that allows us to automatically come up with the answer to a question or solution to a problem quickly and calmly. It made me feel so good to know that my unconscious competence reaches beyond my knowledge and skill with horses.

As life at school became more hectic, I found it more difficult to find time to give lessons as well as work part time as a health care practitioner. As my husband would say, you're trying to split " two halves of your time, THREE WAYS". I was not able to give my all to each of these activities and had to make a decision. Unfortunately, the decision was made for me, when my beautiful Chanty died suddenly in October.  Since that time I have given very few lessons and am still trying to work out a way that I can resume lessons for ALL of my riders, not just those who have their own horses. I am continuing to look into using another horse, one who belongs to a boarder at the stables and in the new year I will get back to giving lessons, as my job as instructor at the college does not start up again until the spring.

While I was struggling to manage my time between school, lessons and work I developed a very common physical symptom known as heartburn. When it first hit me, I dismissed it as being simply a temporary problem related to my recent food intake or caffeine consumption. I began taking an occasional Tums. That turned into an occasional pepsid, which became a twice a day pepsid. At times I would wake up in the morning with a burning sensation in my throat and runny nose from the irritation making it's way up the back of my airway. Ironically, the heartburn was at it worst when I was presenting a lecture on the autonomic nervous system and the role of the sympathetic branch to stimulate the fight or flight reaction. Without going into too much detail, this part of our nervous system allows us to respond quickly to danger or the presumption of danger. If I were a horse I'd be moving my feet with head held high, pupils dilated inside large eyes, nostrils flared, snorting and puffing up my body to look larger. Fear tells our bodies (and theirs)
to bring more blood to the heart and lungs and muscles of the skeleton, while shutting it off in the non vital areas of the stomach and intestines. In response, the acid in our stomach churns to try and digest even when there is not a lot of blood flow or movement in the stomach/intestines. The valve keeping the acid in the stomach weakens and up goes the acid into esophagus and your throat.

It was obvious that my life was out of balance. I was isolating myself in a world of deadlines and self imposed standards of excellence, convinced that I needed to make each A&P class, a high quality experience, even though I was not given the time or the resources to do it all. For much of my day, I was thinking about what I could be doing to prepare for classes in order to complete EVERY chapter in the allotted time, even though it meant presenting large amounts of material. This would put stress on me to have a large amount of information compacted in to each lecture and put stress on students to learn the material quickly in time for an upcoming exam. I became inpatient, short tempered and unable to enjoy the simple things in life. What had I gotten myself into?

It's called real life...unfortunately I was dealing with it in the very same way that many humans approach life...motivated by fear. Fear that you will not be able to complete your goals, fear that you will fail, fear that people will think you are incompetent, fear that you will get sick from the stress, fear that you will let someone down who looks up to you- fear, fear and more fear. Apparently, we are no different than the horse. Fear drives their behavior as well. As humans, we spend most of our time with horses trying to convince them that there is nothing to fear and that the internal message telling them to run, run, run needs to turn down the volume or turn off completely. How is that accomplished? With small steps-moments of fear, followed by moments of reassurance and relief. Each time they survive the few moments of fear, their confidence builds and so that when they encounter the same fear again, they are able to handle it. Doing TOO MUCH at one time overwhelms the horse and eliminates their ability to cope with the fear or react in a more controlled way. Once they adapt to their environment, they let go of what has passed and return to the present moment. I have used this method many times over the years when I first work with a horse, but completely forgot the lesson in it all when it came to my own experience. We as humans tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves that pushes us to respond as if our life were in danger. That stress, if not quickly relieved, changes our very physiology and throws off the balance in our mind and body. The longer the mind and body spend in this constant state of fear, the longer it takes to recover from its effects. We also tend to revisit the moments of fear frequently, as if we can change the outcome by reliving them over and over.

I have finished the quarter at the college and after 2 weeks am just beginning to regain my sense of balance. I have returned to spending more time with my horses (I was recently given another horse, a 5 year old Arab gelding....more on that in another blog) and have completely stopped taking the pepcid. I sleep better and I feel a sense of peace in my life, able to look outside of myself and enjoy the experiences of others. I can share my love of animals, friends and especially FAMILY at this time of year when it means so much to just have time with each other.

I told my college students that they should never stop learning, that they should consider themselves a student for the rest of their lives. In that spirit of learning, I can say that no matter how old you are, you are always susceptible to the effects of fear when it is allowed to rage out of control. I have learned that I need to work on something new in small increments, especially those things that take me out of my comfort zone. I need to give myself a break and relieve the stress of a new challenge with something that is familiar and comforting, even if it means taking a deep breath and allowing a moment of peace to wash over me in the midst of a busy day. Enjoy the beauty of nature, the love of family and friends and spend the day with your favorite horse. They will teach you all you need to know about life.

"See You Guys Later....Have Fun"

I've just lost a dear friend. We had been together for over 9 years. And in that time I'd learned more about myself and the people in my life than at any other time. She and I did not get along at first. She did not understand what I wanted from her and I was way too pushy. I expected a lot. We didn't even speak the same language. But, she stuck with me through it all, and with a quiet wisdom, waited for me to figure it out....all of it. Life, love, relationships, communication, compassion, patience, perseverance, dedication, drive, determination and most of all, to appreciate the things that are right in front of us....right now. Because at any moment, they can be taken from you, without warning. Don't waste time and energy worrying about what was or what could be, only WHAT IS!  That's what Chanty taught me!

Rogue's Sea Chanty age 18 (2011) 

Chanty arrived in my life in Sept 2004 after my other horse Sally had foundered for the 3rd time and was unable to continue being ridden regularly. Chanty's  previous owners found her hard to handle and rode her with both a twisted wire bit and a tie down to slow her (I know this is shocking, especially to those of you who have entrusted your 6 year old to her). After several attempts to control her this way, the young girl and her mother, who owned Chanty from age 5, decided to take a break. Soon after, the mother died and Chanty went out to pasture until she arrived at the stables where I was boarding Sally.  She was 11 and very overweight. The young girl, now in her 20s was selling Chanty. She was a registered Morgan, bred from a saddle seat champion mother. Because of her sturdy build and broad back, she was trained not only to ride, but to pull small carts. I recognized them both, as I had boarded at the stables where the young girl had kept Chanty in her early years.

I was in the market for another horse, but Chanty, a bit chubby and very unfriendly, didn't seem like the prime candidate for me. She was a solid horse, but stood at only 14.3, while I was used to riding horses 15.2 and above. Then, Chanty foundered after being on unlimited grass for several months, including the two months since she had arrived at our stables. The girl was desperate to find her a home, as she was planning on moving out of the area. I, unfortunately, knew a lot about caring for a foundered horse and in a moment of weakness agreed to buy Chanty from her for just $500.

Our relationship did not start off on a good note. I was just beginning to delve deep into "natural horsemanship" and let's just say, it didn't go very well. Chanty was scared, unsure of herself and ME, while I was inexperienced and way too aggressive with her. I remember a lot of pulling on her mouth and riding her from one wall to another, just to slow her down. She responded to even the slightest leg pressure or contact with extreme forward movement. The only reason I kept Chanty during all of this turmoil and beyond, was that she never once tried to buck me off. She tolerated my ignorance and my heavy handed methods for several years. In the days and months to follow, I would hear myself saying "I'm sorry" to her again and again. They are such forgiving souls....

I started this blog 5 years ago because I knew that when we write down our moments of discovery, it gives us a way to mark time and especially the progress (hopefully FORWARD progress) in our lives. This blog, of course, is all about my horse life and the peaks and valleys of that life with Sally, Rose and Chanty as well as other 4 and 2 legged friends that have joined us (including my beautiful girl Image). What I've noticed is that as the years have passed, the peaks have been higher and the valleys, not as low. I credit  that to my dear Chanty. Since taking her to my first Centered Riding clinic in 2009, my life with her, and my life in general has changed for the better. She and I had gone on many trail rides, small gaming and open shows as well as trips to the local fairgrounds, but it wasn't until we started on the path to becoming teachers of Centered Riding, did life really become a wonderful adventure. My confidence and abilities as a rider took off and I discovered something called "balance". Not just the kind that keeps you from falling down or off your horse, but the balance in life that comes from looking outside yourself to see what is really important: Love for other people through sharing of your knowledge and experience AND the beauty in watching nature's most perfect creature, the horse, move on the ground as well as in harmony with a rider in the saddle.

Chanty was with me when I received my certification as a Level 1 instructor. It was one of the proudest days of my life and I was so happy to share it with her. She and I then began to give lessons and from the first one to the last one just two weeks ago, Chanty performed like the steady, reliable partner that she was.  We now spoke the same language and she understood that I was asking her to accept many different riders on her back. She was patient with each and every one, but she made it clear that she would not tolerate the tension in their body or the gripping of their legs, nor the pounding of their weight on her back. When this would happen, Chanty would come to me and politely explain "you need to help this person to release their tension and explain how to move their body with mine". As I improved in my teaching, our conversations during a lesson occurred less often. She would simply give me a look and I would check the rider's position, followed by a small suggestion to help them change something in their body, sometimes with just a simple breath in and out.

I believe that Chanty's favorite moments were the time spent with the kids. I know they were mine. It was difficult in the beginning to shift gears from working with adults, mostly women my age, but slowly I began to acquire more and more youngsters. I had to tap into my imagination and use small toys and games to keep the lessons fun and easy. I've always played music when I ride or give lessons and I think Chanty enjoyed the rhythms that it inspired in her riders, young and old. Because of Chanty and the many kids she taught with me, I was fortunate in meeting some wonderful parents and families. The smiles she put on their faces will remain in my deepest memories for years to come.

Chanty gave me so much and allowed me to share it with so many people. As sad as it  was to say goodbye to her, I know in my  heart, she will always be there when I need her. I'll think of her when I'm riding another horse or when I'm giving a lesson in the arena. Most of all, I will think of her on those beautiful days when I will travel over to Willow Grove to see the shimmering reflection of the sun on the water, the soft green hills and the sand on the beach. It was one of our favorite places to spend time together because we could just walk right off the property from the stables and be there in minutes. I think, though, my favorite place to ride was the trails at the end of Stella and Harmony. She and I would canter into the woods,up steep hills with my husband trailing behind us on his mountain bike. I like to think that Chanty is in heaven right now and she would say the same words to me that Brian says at the end of this video, "See you guys later, have fun."

Trail Riding At Stella

Horses in the Moment

Have you been living in the moment? Which moment? ANY moment!!! Several have gone by while I am typing this and my goal today is to continue to stay in the present as I go out to play with my horses and instruct my students with theirs. I first learned about this when I began playing with my horses years ago, even though I didn't know it was happening. While they were watching me move around,  intent on my goal to get them to move in a certain direction and at a particular speed, my mind was processing and formulating patterns and evaluating my success with each attempt to place the horse's feet in the EXACT spot that I had imagined.

Then I began to notice that the more intense I was in my thinking, the more words I created in my mind AND the more my ego was invested in the outcome, the worse things got. Frustration set in and it was no longer about the horse; it was about me and what I had to accomplish to retain my ranking as "lead horse". But, instead of improving my leadership with the herd, I became the "bully horse", you know, the one who runs the other horses around, biting and kicking to get his place in the grass and sometimes for no other reason than to pass the time and blow off steam while he is with the herd. I say he, only because, my experience so far with horses has been that mares take care of the business of pecking order pretty quickly and then leave each other alone. As soon as there is a specific reason to move another horse, the lead horse does not hesitate to communicate with his/her body and move the feet of the "followers" and more importantly, STOP moving their feet when they have done what he/she has asked. This is the idea in the release of pressure or reward with rest that motivates the horse to bend to the wishes of the lead horse.

When you practice being in the moment with a horse, you are removing the need for ego in communicating and interacting with them. If there is a need for movement and cooperation, it is asked for RIGHT THEN and it is asked in a way that makes sense to the horse. Communicating so as to make yourself clear and establish a relationship is different than shouting and demanding so that you feel superior and dominant to the receiver of your message. They may get the message but it may not 'stick' so that it is easily understood the next time. Horses are similar to people in that respect. They appreciate clear, concise communication and they like having it repeated when they are in the process of learning. For horses, it usually takes 3-4 repetitions for them to get it. When humans bring ego into the equation, they also bring emotion, because it is inevitable that we will be unsatisfied with the response we get from the horse, if it doesn't match our own perception of what "right" is or how quickly it should be answered. Our emotions come out in our physical feelings of tight muscles, quick temper, rapid movements that may strike out and a loud voice with sharp criticism for the horse. This further erodes the relationship with the horse and in the end, isn't that the real goal? furthering the deep bond you have with your horse? Horses (like people) know when they are in the presence of another creature who lives in the moment, free of the restraints of egoic thought. They are drawn ever closer to them and become curious to know who this creature is and what he/she has in store for the next moment.

My beautiful Arab mare Image

Take time out of your day and spend a moment with your horse-no pressure, no plans, no expectations. See what the moment will bring and enjoy yourself!

Teach What You Know

Riding Twister at Instructor Clinic

Teach what you know? Well that could be a very short lesson...and was when I was a new Centered Riding instructor, just over 3 years ago. Looking back at my blog from that time, it was clear that everything was unique, as it applied to riding and giving lessons, with the simple concept of breathing offering new and exciting possibilities. I was astounded at how much our breath could affect the overall tone of our body, the opposite being tension. Tense muscles, means bracing in the body that usually pulls a rider off balance, leading to disruption of fluid movement in harmony with the horse. The good news was, if you were able to tap into your brain's awareness of breathing and produce a release of tension, you could then bring yourself to a wonderful balanced, vertical, centered position and your horse would love you for it. Simple, right???

It's become abundantly clear to me that Sally Swift's philosophy, which she so beautifully outlines in the four basics, while simply put ,carries with it, so many layers. Peeling away the layers led to my discovery of, to name just a few, the Alexander technique, Feldenkrais, Tai Chi, Zen and Buddhism, natural horsemanship, classical riding and liberty training. Becoming a Centered Riding instructor has taken me to a new level of understanding of nature as well as my own strengths and weaknesses. It has changed my attitude and approach to medicine and healing, of which I have been a part of as a practitioner for over 25 years. Becoming an instructor has tapped into my natural aptitude for teaching and given me the confidence to communicate in simple explanations while allowing me to express myself with humor that makes the time with horses and students so much fun.

Along the way I've also expanded my knowledge of the nature of the horse. I am now able to share that knowledge with riders who, I feel,  have a responsibility to the living, breathing creatures that allow them to sit on their back day in and day out. As the rider gains greater awareness of their own body, they are able to tune into the movements of the horse and the two mirror each other in what will hopefully be a beautiful flowing, harmonious dance. And to make sure, I like to play music during lessons to encourage the playful, natural rhythms to flow freely.

But...and this is the good news, bad news part of all of this. It takes a commitment and a discipline with lots of practice, to become a better teacher, a better rider, a better person. Centered Riding is not just about riding. It's about finding the true balance in your life-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's about letting go of the need to make or force things to happen and LET the process evolve, giving it as much time as it needs. Horses, it is said, do not wear watches, teaching us instead, to live in the present. Each step in the process of becoming a better instructor has led me to people with more information and insight and creative ways of explaining "the basics". It means that even if we stick to the basics, we will bring to each lesson the combined knowledge of those who encourage and inspire us. The possibilities are endless and limited only by your own creativity at bringing it to life for your students.  I've been fortunate enough to meet some of the top instructors in Centered Riding and I am proud to call each of them "friend".

Learning to Buttress Using Your Psoas
with Karen Irland (R) and Suzan Seelye (L)

Now when I walk into the arena and someone says, "teach what you know", I am able to honestly say "Oh, well let's just take a look at what you and your horse are up to today". Maybe we'll just spend time clearing the rider's mind of the stress of work and home with a simple shakeout , a few Tai Chi moves, and throw in a couple of yoga stretches for good measure. Beautiful music playing in the background sets the mood and after a few hugs for the horse after her own stretch and warmup, the rider is ready to mount. Today is not about what we accomplish in the lesson but whether horse, rider and instructor leave the arena feeling more centered and balanced....emotionally, mentally and physically, no matter how simple a lesson.

Yes, I do know a LOT more than I did over 3 years ago and yet I am just learning to bring the simplicity of Sally Swift's teachings to my life and prove that indeed less is more in everything we do. Thank you Sally. I am honored to continue the work that you so brilliantly began as a second career in the 1980s. Your life and work lives on in every one who dedicates themselves to the philosophy of Centered Riding and the simple but profound message in the four basics. Count me as one of the fortunate ones.